Marriage is defined as “the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship“. To Christians, marriage is between the two people and God. To other people marriage is just a piece of paper – which in the material sense I suppose it is.
We are not religious and we are a modern couple who don’t work according to gender roles so the whole obedient child bearing wife wasn’t my goal. As far as partnership goes we had that in the bag with four years behind us at the time, so why does marriage matter?
Marriage is a commitment first and foremost. It doesn’t have to be an expensive affair, it doesn’t have to be a white wedding – it can be whatever you want it to be and it has the same weight whether you had a registry wedding in jeans or an over the top wedding day where the dress cost more than your car.
But why does marriage matter? In my opinion it’s a sense of security. You can’t just walk away from a marriage and coming from a broken home that sense of partnership and being tied to my person makes me feel empowered and like I’m part of a team. I’m not saying you don’t feel that if you’re in a committed relationship but to me there’s another level of devotion when you decide to make your union legal.
We have often spoken about how we wouldn’t have bothered if we weren’t going to have children but I think this very much comes from both coming from families that separated when we were children. I grew up with step parents and step siblings, between us we had 5 different surnames and it made me feel a bit flaky…like I didn’t quite know when I fit in. Which may seem a bit dramatic but as a child it’s quite disorientating. I never wanted our child(ren) to feel that. Marriage matters for the kids. I guess they would never know otherwise but I feel it’s the best foundation we can offer our kid(s).
Above everything, the most important thing to us is that we rely on each other, that we’re partners in all things and that we back eachother to the ends of the world. This is what we wrote in our vows, we focused on respect, communication, teamwork and friendship. Marriage matters to me because we promised to be in each others corners through everything and that’s what we said I do to.
The traditional vows didn’t suit us and I don’t think that our marriage would mean what it does if the vows weren’t tailored to our relationship.
Our marriage matters because we leveled up according to our relationship and how we work. Our marriage matters because we have a rule that even when we’re in the pits of hell and fighting about God knows what – the D word is banned. Our marriage matters because we chose to commit to one another and we choose to work on our marriage everyday. Our marriage matters because we want to be a team through the good and the bad.
Do you think marriage matters?
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